life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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