Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I cockslap morals
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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