I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
