No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i came on her dog
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize