Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
