Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
