eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I AM VODKA MAN
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
