I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
