Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
