An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
