Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
