i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Small penises have feelings too.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
