Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
