So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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