Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
