I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
