I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
