new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
