i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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