wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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