My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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