my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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