what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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