there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
