I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
