Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
