i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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