I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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