i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
