she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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