FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
