You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
