ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
please come you make the beer taste better
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
