shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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