I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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