I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
high people should be assigned attendants
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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