i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
