Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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