I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
ttyl tear gas
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
