Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
