Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
