i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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