there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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