What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
