I am puke
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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