At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
