Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
