can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
