You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
