you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
pray to the hookup gods
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
