I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
