you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
