Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
