last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
