Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
