ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
