In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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