so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
