I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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