people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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