why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
