I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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