the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
