That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
