You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
