i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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