we made out on top of his cat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
