just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
