Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
