You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
