I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
