a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
