pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
