end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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