Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
