I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
