Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
