I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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