is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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