dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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