Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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