so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
