just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
