I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
