Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize