I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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