Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
