Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
