Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
