WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
